11 April 2023, by Jill Lim

Managing work, pregnancy and family

“Oh, you’re a radio DJs? You just talk right?”. Short answer, yes. Long answer, we do loads more than that especially in this social media, multi hyphenated era. I’m a radio presenter/ producer/ editor/ writer/ script writer/ host/ voice over artist/ mom/ wife/ daughter/ employer. How does one do all that? More importantly, are they all, “real” jobs?

Well, now with social media, just living life is a job! Documenting weekend activities with your child to show you’re a hands-on parent. Getting the perfect golden hour shot on date night to prove the spark in your marriage is still alive and well!

Marriage

Take your marriage for example, date nights were never a thing for our parents’ generation yet they stayed married for yonks. How do we manage the very real stress of social media and afford these converted date nights? I read an article that talked about the 2:2:2 ratio. A date night every 2 weeks. Spend a weekend alone every 2 months. Take a week-long holiday every 2 years.

We’ve started adopting this and it’s helped greatly! Emotionally and financially. Weekends alone, don’t mean booking a staycation. My husband takes the kid out so I get the whole day alone by myself, then I return the favor, or we let our daughter stay over at her grandparents so we’re alone together.

Family time

Truly, with or without a live-in helper it takes a village to raise a child, especially if both parents are working full time. The one thing I found that helped me the most with this is letting go of control.

I was working on different radio campaign’s, overseeing the social media team, writing part time as well as doing a nightly show. The second I got back, I wanted to feed my baby and do her whole bedtime routine. Only I knew how to put the baby to sleep the “right” way.

While I was “doing it all” the “quality” wasn’t there. I wasn’t enjoying it. Slowly, I let things go. The baby would have dinner at my parents house for example, giving me some time to come home, bathe and unwind a little. My helper would bathe her, and I would read her a couple of books before putting her to sleep or again handing it over to my helper to do so. It was so difficult to convince myself that I wasn’t being a neglectful mother. Making these small changes helped immensely.

“Happy mommy, happy baby.” I had more time to decompress, which also meant I had more time to appreciate the help I was getting. Instead of the obligatory family outings, I found myself wanting to spend more time with my parents, just to see them enjoy time with their grandchild.

Career progression while pregnant

This honestly is a tricky one. Saying that I’ve cracked the code is a lie. I’m fortunate enough to really love my job. I get to be creative and dream up wild ideas. With my first child, jumping back into the swing of things was a piece of cake. I only took 2 months of my maternity leave.

This time round, I know things aren’t going to be the same. I struggle with feeling like I’m not doing enough or giving my best at work. Talking to friends who have had multiple children, and even a few of my superiors, gave me a much clearer perspective on things. Yes, things are going to be different this time round, and they should be!

I had to stop thinking that things were one or the other. Either give my children my all or step up and take on more responsibilities at work for another promotion. Instead, it was, learning priorities. I didn’t have to make an appearance at every event I was invited to just to stay relevant. I wasn’t needed in every work meeting either. My kids honestly wouldn’t know who fed them and changed their diapers, nor did it matter.

Again, it’s one of those things that’s easier said than done. Michelle Obama says her parenting philosophy is, “That one day my children put me out of business”. She wants to raise such a well rounded independent child that she no longer needs to manage them but can sit back and watch them blossom.

I could not agree more! It’s because you’ve laid the foundation so well, and it’s because of you, things are still able to carry on without micromanaging.

Practice makes perfect!

While daunting I’m not discouraged. Women have been doing remarkable things since the dawn of time. Much with anything in life, the key is to acknowledge, appreciate and accept your limitations.

I challenge you to stop “keeping up with the Jones’s” Realising parenting isn’t an, “in the moment” activity is vital.

You’ll be a parent as long as your child is alive, and you’ll have the ability to make mistakes and make it up to them over and over again. Remember, you are enough, and no one can be better at being you than you. Practice makes perfect, and yet perfect doesn’t exist. In conclusion? You got this sister!