21 February 2023, by E-van and Terry
This is honestly a hard topic to talk about. Especially when we have no (live-in) extra help. The most help we get now is from my family who stays just nearby, so I go over with baby in the daytime on some days of the week. Which also means there’s little to no chance of having alone time together as a couple. Alone time basically doesn’t exist anymore, for now. So this is really a hard one to post and to think about!
Thankfully though, things have been looking up when we consciously try to make things better between the two of us. It is pretty much inevitable when parenting two young children, one being a newborn, that disagreements will occur from time to time.
Love Language – Filling up your partner’s tank
I would say that it’s good to know what your partner’s love language is. If you haven’t already know, there are five love languages. In brief, they are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Physical touch
It is also wise to refresh on your partner’s change of love language! Because at times, we do grow out of certain love language and appreciate another as time passes.
1. Acts of Service
I came to realize that my husband’s love language is Acts of Service. As I busy myself with Eleanor and her needs, Terry stays on top of it when it comes to household chores.
Our house is mostly neat and clean (I say mostly because who are we kidding, there’s a toddler in our midst 😂), our clothes smell fresh and we are fed because this is how he shows his love. How do I speak his love language? By helping him out when he doesn’t expect it. Sometimes I see dishes not washed, clothes in the laundry not hung, I’d do them when I have pockets of time to do so! This seems to make him happy and he’ll thank me for it, even though I thought it’s just something I should do. But it’s his love language, acts of service, so it means more to him.
For those who do not have the love language of gifts, this is completely redundant to them. But for me, any form of gift means a whole lot. I’m talking random surprises of takeaway dinner with a side of bubble tea! Or beancurd with toppings, another of my favourite Taiwan dessert.
If it comes at the right time, I even tear up at the sight of it. Or at the fact that he thinks of me, and knows this will cheer me up. I realized that even when he buys toys for Raphael, I feel so happy for my son 😂 because it means his daddy really loves him. Haha!
3. Quality time
This one seems to be both of us equally. We may have very little full days with each other but the little time that we do have together, for example, dinner time. We will put our phones away and give each other our full attention. It’s only recently that we started this and I realized though little, it is really quality time spent together. Just to listen to each other, talk and/or laugh.
4. Words of affirmation
If your love language is words of affirmation, you’d likely be someone who’d really appreciate your partner using words to encourage you, to tell you they love and appreciate you. “I’m proud of you”, “you are wonderful”, “you make me so happy”. Similarly, if this is your love language, words could also be the very thing that can crush you. Hurtful words hit harder, little or no words of affirmation at all can cause you to feel unloved or unappreciated.
5. Physical touch
Physical touch means you show love and receive love by holding hands, givings hugs, kisses and love being intimate. If your partner were to decide not to hold your hand or doesn’t like to give you hugs, then you’ll likely feel like they don’t love you.
Knowing each other’s love language is very important. If you recognize any of these love languages that your partner demonstrates, it is most likely that’s how they would like to receive love as well. When you speak different languages and no matter what you do, your partner still seems unhappy, this could mean that you’re not speaking their language. In fact, it could even be annoying! But to show your partner you love him/ her, you’d have to speak a different language just for him/ her, even if it’s something you’re not used to. My husband is not a person who believes in gifting but he knows I really love it, so I think subconsciously, he spoke to me in my language. And it hits the spot. I hope this entry gives you a bit of an insight on how to better our relationships with not just our fellow spouses but even with our family and friends. Thank you for reading!