29 October 2019, by E-van and Terry
This is going to be a heavy topic, it should not be kept in the dark, I hope my sharing will help those in need… this is my account on a loss of a baby.
I had Raphael on July 2019, he is my rainbow baby.
What does it mean? A rainbow baby is a baby who is born after the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth or death in infancy.
Why the name? This term is given to these special rainbow babies because a rainbow typically follows a storm.
It took me a long time to finally realise that Raphael was a real, sure thing. I only dared to truly believe he was real when I saw him, heard him cry his first cry and held him in my arms.
Writing this is difficult because, although I am happy to have Raphael, all I can think of was the one I lost before I had him. The pain and thought of a miscarriage is emotionally unbearable.
I was probably 7 or 8 weeks pregnant when I knew in my gut that I’ve lost “it”. I saw a little blood clot passed through my urine that morning and I tried to be positive and not be filled with paranoia. But I just knew. I could feel the changes happening in my body but, I was hoping it was not what I think it was.
I prepped Terry and myself before the ultrasound appointment, that I felt something wasn’t right. Terry couldn’t believe it and wanted to comfort me to not think that way. But when we went in for our first ultrasound scan, it was confirmed, my womb was empty…
The doctor just kept saying “sorry dear I can’t find it…” “are you sure you were pregnant?” I said yes I am sure, I had it confirmed at the polyclinic and even showed them a picture of the pregnancy test I took that showed a very faint blue line…
The doctor finally diagnosed it as a spontaneous miscarriage. (Spontaneous was always a happy word to me until this!)
After receiving the devastating news, Terry and I couldn’t talk to each other throughout the journey home. And when we reached home, Terry did his own things while I remained in the bedroom feeling dazed. I only allowed myself to cry – and for two hours straight at that – after lying on my bed, facing the ceiling for an hour.
Losing something we were so hopeful for, so precious…it is almost unimaginable…
Although it is known that miscarriages in the first trimester is very common, it doesn’t make it any less painful.
Coping with the loss
From my experience, I believe that if you are suffering from a miscarriage, you should talk to someone about it as we need an outlet for our emotions. If we know of someone who is going through it, talk to them, because that’s the least we can do, to be there for each other. It should not be a taboo topic because the couples, especially the women who went through this or is going through it needs all the support they can get.
Remember to tell yourself that it is not your fault.
There were things I told myself so I could feel better.
This is the way of nature.
My body was not ready.
My body is prepping itself for a better space for a baby to live and survive in.
There may be bad dreams, quiet nights, or even insensitive comments by some people. Sometimes we just have to accept that people don’t know how to deal with death. Don’t take it to heart, and don’t hate them because people can’t seem to find the right words in such a situation.
If you are going through a miscarriage, I am sorry that you have to go through this, I am sorry that the world is being unfair to you, remember that it is NOT your fault, you are not alone and you are STRONG!
And I pray that a rainbow visits you soon.