18 September 2019, by Charlie Goh
I just celebrated my 31st birthday on 14 Sept so I just wanna start off by wishing myself a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
September is an important month for me. Not only is it my birth month, it also marks the month of my wedding anniversary.
My wife, Pearlene and I got married on 30 Sept and we’ve been together for a total of 7 years now (dating plus marriage).
Looking back, like every couple, we have our differences and squabbles at times. But at the end of it, we just have to sit down and iron things out. This is something I learnt after my past relationship failed.
To be fair, I was only 22 years old when I dated my ex. I was childish and thought the world revolved around me. Whenever we quarrelled, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Let’s break up”. We broke it off and got back together many times, until about 1.5 years later when it ended for real.
So one lesson I took away from that relationship is to never EVER mention those 3 words unless you really mean it.
Then I got together with Pearlene in 2012. I was 25 and already freelancing as an actor while she was 20 and still studying.
I was struggling to make ends meet at that time and could barely feed myself. So during dates, finance was always a big question mark for me. It didn’t help that I have man-ego, which means I always WANT to pay for everything during a date, regardless of my ability to do so.
I remember very clearly there was once we went out to eat at a ramen restaurant at Clarke Quay. She ordered her usual ramen while I ordered the cheapest dish, because I knew I only had 30+ bucks in my bank account. The bill came, showing a total of 38 bucks and I gave the guy my card. No prizes for guessing what happened next… It got declined! HAHAHAHA so embarrassing!
So I put on my best acting skills and pretended that the card was faulty, and told the guy that I had to go to the ATM to withdraw the money. I went out, called my mum for help and she transferred some money over. HAHAH thank God for mothers.
I can’t recall if I’ve ever told my wife about this incident but if she didn’t know, she probably would now. So yeah, this is the woman who stuck with me through those difficult times and never left me regardless of my ability to financially support the relationship.
But what made me decide to marry this woman was when I had dengue and was hospitalised for 7 days.
I was in a bad state – my lungs were filled with water (I don’t know how) and my gall bladder was so inflamed and swollen that there was a risk of rupturing any time. And the danger was, if it did rupture, no surgeon in this world would operate on me because I would just bleed to death (dengue causes low platelet count).
During this period, Pearlene stayed by my side and took care of me 24/7. That was when I told myself, if I make it out alive, I am going to marry her.
And we did.
Marriage is a commitment…with a lot of compromises. Cohabiting is not easy because everybody has different habits ingrained since young.
Thankfully, we haven’t had (and hopefully never have) any major bust-ups while staying together but another lesson I’ve learnt is to give and take, AND to stay committed.
Remember your wedding vows? Those words are not something you say and forget. They are VOWS.
So always remember your wedding vows and settle any squabbles before going to bed at night. Your partner is not perfect, you aren’t either. Every time I quarrel with my wife, I noticed that I tend to focus on her flaws, and forgetting that I have mine too. I also realised that humans always overlook plus points when we are busy focusing on flaws.
So each time you fight, take a step back, cool down, and think about why you married this person in the first place – it helps.
So yeah, I’m married for almost 2 years and sometimes I wonder what it’s like to have kids. I mean, what if my kid turns out to be a terror like me?!
I am at the age now where all my guy friends have become fathers. And when I see the whole family together, it makes my heart feel warm. Kids are a blessing (although they can also be monsters at times).
A family doesn’t feel complete without kids but I have heard many stories of babies crying at unearthly hours and I think that’s my biggest fear. How am I going to perform at work if I don’t get my sleep?!
If you guys are parents and are experiencing the same issue or if you have a solution, please do share it with me in the comments below ok!