13 February 2019, by Rachelyn Gordon

Things to talk about before getting married

There has been a theme to my life this week. And it starts with C

COMMUNICATION

And the many forms of it such as apologising, threatening and listening.

So, communication is the act of sending and receiving messages. An act we naturally participate in every day. Yet, ironically, it is also the act that is hardest.

It is now officially about 6 months before my wedding and I am quickly feeling that everything I communicate – be it family, wedding vendors or at times, the man I am marrying himself – needs to be done twice.

It is driving me insane.

Family

Communication Tactic: Apologising

I cannot put my finger on it but there is something about wedding planning that I feel, makes families more emotional. I would like to take a second to confirm that all other brides whom I have spoken to agree with me.

However, while this is normal (and actually quite sweet…because I suppose the alternative of having a family who does not want to be involved can be hurtful), lousy communication during these times will guarantee fights.

Has it happened to me yet?

Oh, most definitely.

Have I managed to figure out how to communicate successfully with my family?

Yes and No…

To me, apologising always works – regardless of whether I think I am in the wrong or not. I have found that sometimes, saying sorry is powerful because it shows that you care enough to apologise first.

I must admit that I struggle a lot with this, especially if I don’t think that I am at fault BUT I also always manage to think rationally enough to compromise as well.

Wedding Vendors 

Communication Tactic: Firmly and fairly…demanding

This was a massive wake-up call and I learnt my lesson the hard way.

The fact is this – my wedding is not the ONLY wedding that wedding vendors are preparing for. In fact, since my wedding is ONLY in August, wedding vendors are even more likely to push my wedding date and requirements to the back of their heads.

Now, this, I am fine with. I actually understand this and would even do the same myself.

However, what I am absolutely not fine with is wedding vendors making promises to deliver goods and services on a certain date, taking a deposit as payment for said goods and services and then not delivering.

Unfortunately, for me, this just happened this week!

I had purchased my ethnic bridal outfit from a “reputable” store in April 2018. The outfit was beautiful but needed several alterations. I was promised the altered outfit in November 2018. (I needed my ethnic bridal outfit earlier as my fiancé, is from a culture that is new to me so I wanted as much time as possible to get everything I needed).

Up till this week, I have gone down 4 times and all times, no alterations were done. I cannot for the life of me, understand why they would make me come down 4 (YES 4!) times without making any alterations. It was very bizarre and infuriating.

Unfortunately for this vendor, the last time was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. I demanded that my outfit be altered and given to me by the end of the week or I would not pay the remaining and would lodge a complaint with CASE.

Sadly enough, my demands (and threats?) worked like a charm.

Though I am itching to name this vendor because they have also been extremely dishonest, have displayed zero work ethics and have quite frankly caused me unnecessary stress and anxiety throughout this entire process… I am also aware that it is MY wedding that will have to suffer a prolonged bitterness should I choose to pursue it.

Man I Am Marrying

rach 2

Communication Tactic: Listening

I have left this for the last because…ironically, this has been the one area that I have been having success in.

We both attended a marriage preparatory course recently. I was initially very reluctant to sacrifice my weekend to attend it, but after the weekend, I was really glad that we went through with it because there had been so much valuable information that was imparted to us.

One of the major things that we got out of that weekend was identifying the type of communicator we each were and understanding how our two (very) different styles worked for and against us.

So we now feel very privileged to have tools that we use to help us communicate better with each other. Our secret sauce to communicating well?

Listening.

Twice.

Once with our heads and another time with our hearts.

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Posted on : February 13, 2019

Filed under : Soon-to-wed

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