21 August 2017, by Flora Isabelle
Sorry this entry is a little late this month, been busy baking a bun haha. In between trying to clear as much work as I can before the baby arrives (I’m 37 weeks now!!!!) and feeling tired all the time, life has been pretty uneventful of late.
(Unless you count crib shopping, reading up about baby detergents and similar activities fun. Though I must admit that shopping for baby clothes is the best bit of it all – everything is just so cute and tiny!)
I’ve had several women reach out to me about their own conditions and it made me realise that while there are possibly quite a few of us who might have some trouble conceiving, there are also probably many more out there who don’t know about their own conditions – which is why I keep highlighting the need to go for a fertility health check.
I have said it before, having children doesn’t define us but for those who want to have children, we have to be realistic that it is not always a walk in the park. And if you’re a go-getter/ serial planner like me, then I’m sure planning when to have kids will definitely be on your cards. And this could also mean planning to have children earlier in life.
For me, I always thought I would think about having children only when I’m 35. Why this magical number? Well, firstly, it is often said that a woman’s fertility typically sharply declines when she’s 35* – and because I had once (rather naively I must add) thought that it would be very easy to conceive – I was waiting till the last possible minute (or rather year) to have children. It’s not that I don’t want children, it’s just that I thought I had wanted to first put myself and my life on priority.
*That was what I thought, but I found out that… fertility in men decreases after 35, while fertility in women decreases significantly after 30
However, suddenly ticking off my travel bucket list didn’t seem as important anymore when I found out that my plans to have children could have been halted because of my medical condition.
(Anyway, who’s to say that you can’t travel with kids? Since I’ve gotten pregnant, I’ve found blogs of so many other Mommies around the world who have done it and truth is, you don’t have to give up your life once you have children. If anything, they could actually complete your life in ways you never thought possible – which I will update you guys once I really become a mother.)
Having said that, being a mother really changes your life and perception about things in many ways. Besides the physical changes such as food preferences (I never used to like cherries but now I eat them by the bags), lethargy and the obvious ones such as getting bigger and with stretch marks (boo hoo), you somehow cultivate this sense of wanting to put someone’s life above yours – no matter what. One of the reasons why I took so long to announce my pregnancy was because I was pretty fearful about my baby’s life and I kept wanting to be sure that he is doing okay. I often adjusted my gynae’s visits so that I would see him before the next scheduled monthly checkup and every inevitable knock (can’t help it, I’m so big now!) and ache has gotten me searching the Internet just to be sure. While mine isn’t classified as a high-risk pregnancy, I am still extremely fearful (to the extent of being paranoid)… and I guess the only reason is what they term as maternal instinct. Which I used to think was overrated, until I experienced pregnancy myself. They say it will only magnify throughout motherhood though hahaha – as you worry if you’re feeding baby well, teaching him right… I’ll probably mother him till he is 40 years old! HAHA!
Though I guess there is nothing that can really prepare us for motherhood.
Moving forward, I’m just going to take every day as it comes and get ready to formally enter this new phase of my life. If you ask me, doing the fertility health check is one of the best decisions of my thirties… not because I got pregnant but because it got me thinking about what I want to do with my life. And my point has always been this – if you know you want kids someday, then please do the check with your partner so you can make life plans accordingly as a couple.
I was extremely lucky to conceive rather easily after finding out about my condition but every day I have all these women talking to me about their condition and it got me thinking – what if I wasn’t so lucky?
Above all, while this might some preachy, I really mean it when I say that please know that if you’re suffering from endometriosis/ PCOS/ other conditions, you’re not alone, help is available and that nothing is impossible! Good luck and love always!