21 July 2017, by Flora Isabelle
Before I answer the question in the title, let me announce that I am pregnant!
It’s been a crazy year thus far dealing with the pregnancy and trying to understand this parenthood thing – it’s like a whole new world out there! I’ll share more about my pregnancy journey in my coming posts (So many things to talk about! Can’t wait!) but before we get there, I think I first needed to internalise some thoughts about why we are embarking on this journey.
To be honest, I’m not sure if I am exactly ready or if I will be a good mother… and what’s going to happen to my life when my baby boy arrives.
I have always known I would want to be a mother some day but that some day came with certain conditions – I want to visit Bhutan, Africa and Sao Paulo before I conceive (though now with the Zika threat, I think it is better to go to Brazil until you’re done with having kids), I want to make sure that my career is on track (so I can provide financially) and I want to make sure that my marriage is in a good place before we take that next step.
After all, I used to tell my friends, we have our whole lives to be parents – if we want to -, so why rush?
And then there was one coffee session when my girl friend asked me,
Why do you want to have children?
That got me thinking.
You see, while I have friends who have always known they want kids (and many many kids in fact), I was never really a motherly person. I don’t go oh-so-cuteeeeee to every baby I see in the supermarket, neither do I badger the husband incessantly as soon as we married about wanting to have kids. I just knew that when I look at my life in the distant future, it will include having children. Some day.
So why do I want children?
It took me quite a bit of thinking before I realised – I want to be a mother because I want to nurture someone, because I want to pass on knowledge and everything I’ve learnt in life to my child, to always be there for him… and more importantly, raise someone who can be the best of himself.
And hopefully in the process, bring out the best of me.
So yeah, I want to be a mother to make myself a better person.
And with that I realised that it doesn’t matter if I haven’t been to Bhutan or that my career isn’t at the very top. Though I think I won’t give up travelling at all – I will just bring baby along! And maybe there might be some changes to the destination but hey, my point is this – having children is not just about sacrifices and giving up what you have. Though I’m sure every mother out there gives up a lot for her child but if you take a look at it from another perspective, and think about what being a mother does for you –
And I hope that for me, it could very well end up – not just completing – but making life a whole lot better.