21 June 2017, by Flora Isabelle
We often talk about the 5 love languages, namely words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. Everybody gives (and receives) love differently and knowing your partner’s love language will help you connect better with him or her. Such as while you might not think that it’s a big deal deal to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries (every day is Valentine’s Day, you say), to your partner, it might mean plenty and exchanging presents – even if it’s a small one – matters a lot.
What I have also noticed after 10 years of being together with the husband (four as a married couple), is that, sometimes affection is shown in the things he DOESN’T do, or say.
I’m in Japan now on our annual vacation and something struck me yesterday while we were having lunch and I passed him my camera, expecting him immediately to know what to do with it.
You see, me being a travel blogger involves a huge amount of photo-taking even on holidays and I know he doesn’t enjoy it. In fact, he doesn’t even like it but every trip, he would do it anyway and even suggest scenic spots and ideas… though they usually aren’t the best haha! He doesn’t grumble, he doesn’t ask “are we done yet?” and neither does he complain that I’m wasting our precious holiday time.
He is also very private as a person and over the years, has been inevitably thrown into the limelight sometimes and he doesn’t blame me, or fault me for the inconvenience and “uncomfortableness” caused.
I wouldn’t consider this as compromise because to me, compromising is a case of both parties voicing out what they like or don’t like… and then trying to reach middle ground together. To me, just by NOT voicing out his unhappiness or making a deal out of it, he is already doing a lot.
Of course, I also do believe in talking things out as a couple but I guess what I’m saying is this, sometimes we tend to focus too much on the negative things our partners don’t do (“You didn’t take out the trash as promised!” “You didn’t wash the dishes!” “You forgot our anniversary!”), but sometimes, not doing things might be a good thing too – we just need to look at the right places.
I think after the initial sparks and fireworks in a relationship, a lot of making a marriage work lie in the little things. Such as being silly and laughing together, saying thank you, giving the occasional compliment on his outfit, noticing when she’s got a haircut and taking the other party’s side in an argument. It might not seem like a lot as compared to your friend who got (yet another) designer bag for her birthday, but it’s these things that make your day easier and lighter… and knowing that you can always come home to a happy, healthy relationship if you ask me, sounds more priceless than anything.