11 August 2016, by Flora Isabelle
This is my first post on I Love Children so I thought I’d first give a quick introduction to myself – my name’s Flora, I’m a not-exactly-new newlywed considering that I’ve been married for more than two years now! My husband’s in the military and I travel a fair bit for work so we often spend quite a lot of time apart due to our jobs… I won’t consider myself an expert in long distance relationships but I’m better at it now (though it NEVER seems to get easier). We don’t have kids (yet!) and I became acquainted with I Love Children when we got in touch for their Fertility Awareness Campaign organised in conjunction with World Fertility Awareness Month in June – I’m not going to go into details of the fertility health check I did (you can read about it here!) though I highly encourage all newlyweds to go for it even if you’re not planning to have a baby yet (my post details the reasons…) and finally, the topic for today’s post,
Planning for kids, are we ever ready?
You see, for the longest time, I’ve always known that I will want kids some day but just not now-now-now because there were always things on hand that seemed to be more important – my first job after graduation, then after that it was about starting and working on my business and getting my finances in order… I wanted to buy my first home, I wanted to travel…
“I’ll start to think about it after this year…” I would say. “There are just too many projects on hand at the moment”.
“House renovations and stuff’s gonna cost a bomb. Let’s save up for that first.” I’m sure this sounds familiar too?
I live in a huge household with my two nephews aged four and two and on some days when they are being terrible brats, I will tell myself I am definitely not ready haha.
But one day, it struck me.
I won’t say that I woke up feeling entirely ready to be a mother but it occurred to me that we will never be 100% ready. There will ALWAYS be something major coming up, an exciting holiday destination you’d want to explore (Bhutan! Mongolia! Tibet!)… but sometimes our bio clocks may not be as cooperative as we’d like it to be (especially since I turn 31 this year and we all know how a woman’s fertility rapidly declines once she’s 30) so I figured out that the key is NOT about waiting till the day that you suddenly wake up all ready to have kids.
(Also, as I have been telling 1001 people lately after my fertility health check – that life doesn’t always turn out as planned and going for a fertility health check at the beginning of the marriage could help you with your own life plans. For example, if you realise that you cannot conceive that easily, you might want to adjust your plans to start trying for a kid earlier in your marriage. Or if there’re any problems then at least you can eliminate any conditions that could contribute to infertility.)
Instead, give thoughts about whether children will complete your life and having a family is what you want… then well, you’ll probably need to realise that there is no such thing as the perfectly right moment.
You have to make the moment right on your own.