29 April 2016, by Tan Li Lin
I’m well into my 19th week of pregnancy and happy that life is pretty much ‘back to normal’, except for the spongy nudges I get in my uterus when I’m drifting to sleep, or watching TV, or trying hard to snooze (most of the time it’s amusing, sometimes it makes me feel a bit seasick from the inside). It feels good to be able to work again (does doing research on our upcoming Babymoon count as work?) – although I find myself getting annoyed that I’m back to my old habit of hunching over the computer for long hours until my work is completed. Neck and back pains have returned after a hiatus in Trimester 1. It certainly is something I don’t miss!
Speaking of things I miss, a blog entry on how my life will change as I know it is inevitable. I’m not referring to changes like – cleaning poop, or having sleepless nights, or wrestling with tantrum-y babies. My 5-year internship with my Sister’s kids have sort-of prepared me for all that, though I know it will soon be a 24/7 responsibility instead.
I’m referring to.. sigh, I don’t even know what to call it. The ‘adventurous stuff’? The ability to just up and do what I want to do? Some call it freedom I suppose. Just 2 days ago, our good friends, whom we’ve traveled with several times, brought up the notion of hiking near Bali, and visiting the West Coast (US). My immediate response is “Ohhh YES LET’S!!” but my mind is thinking ‘Crap, what happens to baby??’. In March when we took a family trip to Phuket, I stood staring at the Jet Skis in the distance skimming the cool, blue Thai waters and felt envy and tinge of regret. I’ve ridden a Jet Ski once – many years ago in my Tweens. I’ve had the chance to do the adventurous, extreme stuff every now and then through my teens and early 20s, but now I realized it isn’t enough. Sure, we often fall into ‘when is it ever enough?’, and now it takes a pregnancy to show me that I didn’t fully live up the last 15+ years. I spent a lot of those years justifying why I shouldn’t be embarking on ideas of things I’d like to do/learn or places I’d like to visit – no time, no money, not important, it can wait, better listen to <insert someone’s name>, I’ll do it next time, I’m scared, etc. This is despite my practice of trying to achieve 2 – 3 things on my Bucket List.
I suppose there’s nothing really much to ‘do’ about this (has anyone felt this way too?) because now that I’m expecting my first-born, my health and baby’s safety is top priority. I cannot help but envision and feel restricted for the next 1 – 2 years until baby’s stronger – but then #2 will come soon after – and I wonder when it’ll ever end. Will it be like this until our kids are off to work and we can finally ‘get our lives’ back? I’m determined that this isn’t the case, and that I’ll find a way to incorporate this ‘living’ into our family life. Embracing my realisation is the only way forward despite my skepticism about how it will work out.
This brings me to feel grateful that we at least had a pretty awesome Honeymoon late last year. Considering I got pregnant just 2 months after we returned makes me feel this huge sense of relief that we made it happen despite dragging it due to concerns about finance and how taking 3 weeks out will disrupt our businesses. What made it so awesome was the fact that (i) it was our longest trip together alone (ii) I manage to check off my bucket list (iii) we experienced some really magical, serendipitous moments on the trip. I’ve listed some of these moments here as I never quite had the chance to dedicate a full blog entry to the Honeymoon that actually happened. I had only 3 blog entries between “Yay Honeymoon in the plans, finally!” to “What! I’m pregnant?!”. Yup.
Zooming past everyone on an electric bike – the best way to explore the stunning but loooong Barcelona beach! It wasn’t cheap – but it was SO MUCH FUN and had us giggling like kids. Just look at that grin on his face.
Serendipitously crossing paths with Ale and Gabby throughout Morocco. Morocco does something to people – the laid-back, rustic atmosphere opens people and conversations up magically. We have never organically hung out with so many ‘strangers’ on our trips before.
Let’s hope that there’s more of this to come, this time with kiddies in tow.
Lin Tan is an Entrepreneur and an Executive Coach who dedicated herself to others and her career, until family changed all that. Follow her blog on www.maybebaby.sg/blog and journey with her as ‘life after 30′ opened up a completely new chapter.