26 January 2016, by Tan Li Lin
I’ve been away from the blog for several months, which were spent traveling for work and leisure. Ronald and I finally had our (my) long-awaited Honeymoon to Spain and Morocco, and then a trip to Hong Kong which I won (first-time ever!), and most of November and early December flying every week to Jakarta for work. It was exhausting.
But not as exhausting as the last 5 days.
5 days. All it takes to change your life and turn it upside down, and up, and down, and up, and so begins the roller coaster.
18 Jan, Monday
[Massage room, Jakarta] My shoulders ache and I can’t WAIT to relax and fall asleep on the massage table. I plonk down on the table. OUCH. I don’t remember my boobs hurting this much. Hope it’s over soon once ‘Mrs. M’ finishes this month.
19 Jan, Tuesday
[Toilet, Jakarta] Mrs. M is acting strange this month and appears to be uncertain to whether she’s coming or going. Maybe it’s because of the air pressure from the flying.
20 Jan, Wednesday
[Bedroom, Jakarta] I am SO FULL. I think I overate at dinner. I glance at my stomach and groan, asking Ronald if I’ve put on weight. I just feel so horridly bloated that I have difficulty sleeping. I drink more water in hopes to pass everything out, but the more I drink the more I feel like gagging.
21 Jan, Thursday
[Office building, Jakarta] OMG WHAT’S THAT SMELL. I make a beeline for the cafe immediately from the moment I entered the office building. I stand in front of the pastry oven and feel like I’m in heaven. I pick a ham and cheese croissant – and it was SO GOOD. So buttery, and soft, and warm – I was a happy girl.
[Shopping mall, Jakarta] I feel so grossly bloated and sick from lunch, and I don’t know why. I finally had that fried chicken I’ve been craving since 4 years ago, I ate slowly, I don’t think I ate that much, so what’s going on? I can only blame it on a bad tummy (nothing new) from being too greedy the last few days, or from eating meat (I’m cutting down on meat consumption). I desperately think of a solution to ‘not feel so sick’ and decided on coffee – which I don’t usually drink. I barely drank 1/3 of the cup.
[Bedroom, Jakarta] I can’t believe I felt so bloated and sick and I STILL went ahead to eat 4 large friend Wantons. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME. I’M SO GREEDY BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. ARGH. I casually google ‘pregnancy symptoms’, turn to Ronald and joke, “harhar I have 3 out of a long list of pregnancy symptoms”. I struggle to sleep again feeling like a whale. I’m not a happy girl anymore.
22 Jan, Friday
[Everywhere, Jakarta] I hurriedly pack my luggage happy to head home today. I just feel so sick from all this eating. Also, I really can’t stand the sewage-y smell of the house anymore. I walk up to the toilet on the second-floor. Wow. My heart’s beating so fast and I’m out of breadth. Sheesh Lin, you’re really getting fat and unfit.
[Airport, Jakarta] I buy a pack of Tamarind sweets. I need something sour to deal with this nausea. I suck on the sweets endlessly. My mouth is so dry, but I can’t drink water else I’ll feel like puking. I seriously consider the probability that I might be pregnant.
[Airport, Singapore] I ask my husband if I should buy a test kit. He replies, “Huh! No need lah, it’s probably your bad stomach. Let’s wait another few days to see how it goes”. I decide to buy 1 nonetheless (taking 10 minutes to hunt for it in Guardian).
23 Jan, Saturday
[Home, Singapore] I wake up at 9am and need to pee. I grab the test kit on the way in. I glance at the kit and see 1 line appear. I close my eyes and continue to sleep on the toilet bowl for the next 1 minute. I open my eyes and glance at the stick. I groan – out loud – and heave a heavy sigh as I wonder what I just saw.
I wake Ronald up and asked him to guess the test result. I tease him until he get irritated before I told him the truth. He asked to see the stick, and then said he couldn’t go back to sleep anymore. We lie back down and stare at the ceiling blankly.
11am: I go emo-crazy – obviously a delayed action – and call up KK Hospital to fix an appointment. I worry about what this means for my work and need to get it sorted and confirmed TODAY.
24 Jan, Sunday
[Dining table, Singapore] Erm, I have bad news and good news. The bad new is, Mum, you don’t have a break after Candace. The good news is – actually it’s just ‘news’ for now – I’m 5 weeks pregnant.
Lin Tan is an Entrepreneur and an Executive Coach who dedicated herself to others and her career, until family changed all that. Follow her blog on www.maybebaby.sg/blog and journey with her as ‘life after 30’ opened up a completely new chapter.