30 November 2015, by Lim Peifen
It’s been a while since my last post.
I knew that having a baby would change my life forever, and the degree of change still astounds me #mindblown. Can’t quite remember the person I was just a little more than four months ago. Each day now is a challenge, a battle, a lesson and an adventure altogether that demands all my brain and energy. There are laughter and tears, not a day goes by without one or both.
After Luke’s arrival, I was lost, confused and emotional. I repeatedly questioned my decision to have a baby. “Why did I think I could do this?” “How am I ever going to get through this?” My friends and family were positive and encouraging. “It will get better.” “Enjoy motherhood! Enjoy your baby!” But these only prompted more questions that clouded my mind: “How will things get better? When exactly?” “How am I suppose to enjoy? Why am I not enjoying?”
I can tell you now that there is no point answering those questions. There is no point asking them in the first place. Parenthood is not about asking questions and getting answers. Being a parent is all about trying. And trying. And trying.
It is harder for adults to try because we tend to think too much. Babies try too, they try hard. To adapt, to grow, to live. They don’t think about why they have to try, they just do.
Luke rolled over for the first time over the weekend. He had been trying for a while, and when he finally succeeded, my hubby and I were so happy we started rolling on the mat as well to encourage him to do it again. Now he can’t stop practising his new skill – which means a whale of a time during clothes and diaper changes, as well as a whole new level of fun getting him to sleep.
The pains of parenthood are real; sometimes they are big and sometimes they are small. But the joys of being a mum or dad are always big, bright and warm, and fill our hearts with so much love. I am beginning to enjoy.