30 May 2013, by Violet Lim

Am I a Good Enough Mother?

Mother’s Day has just gone by not long ago and Father’s Day is just around the corner.

Having celebrated my 7th Mother’s Day got me thinking – Am I a good enough mother? Like many career women out there, I work long hours, I have to travel for work sometimes spending 10 days a month out of Singapore. Honestly, my helper definitely sees a lot more of my children than I do.

I wonder sometimes if my children would look back one day and think that I could have been a better mother.
I had several revelation throughout the last couple of years that made me realize that I should really stop being guilty about not being a good enough mother.

A very wise woman friend of mine shared:
The problem with young working mothers nowadays is that they want to have it all and they stress about not being able to juggle their career, their marriage, their children all at once. However they fail to realize that yes, women CAN have it all, but you might not have it all, all at once!!!

Wow! I was so enlightened after that. And I realized that she is right. At different stages in our lives, we will excel in different areas of our lives. But it is probably impossible to have 100% of everything at the same time. That made a lot of sense!

A self development guru also shared with me that as a a person,an individual, we play many different roles. I am not just a mother but I am also an individual. If I just focus completely on my role as a mother and completely ignore my personal development and self-growth by being a better business person or developing my passions and hobbies or working on my marriage with my husband, I might actually be short changing my children. What he is saying is, I am not living to my fullest potential! My children will actually benefit tremendously from these insightful experiences and learnings that I can share with them. Wow! I never saw it that way!

Even with all these encouragements and reassurances, on some days I will still feel bad about not being able to be at home 24/7 with the kids or at least spend a lot more time with them.

But perhaps at those moments, one of the best advices I have received will come in handy, “Who or what is a perfect mother? There is no perfect mother. As long as you do your best and give it a best shot, it is good enough.”

To all mothers and fathers out there, let’s all not be too harsh on ourselves. I think we all deserve a pat ok our backs. 🙂

And Happy Father’s Day in advance to all daddies out there! 🙂

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