24 January 2012, by Darren Lim
When A Man Loves his children….
Some years ago, if anybody were to ask me, “What would be the ideal age to get married and have kids? “ My answer would be 26 and 28 respectively.
And now if someone were to ask me that same question, the answer would still be the same. But, you’re now 40 and your youngest child is just 2, so what happened, you ask?!!
The answer is with my woman……. 😉
I’m not trying to complain, but age does matter and I think I would have an easier time running after the 3 of them at 35 than now. And believe me, I’ve tried my very best since day ONE we met, to convince her to marry me IMMEDIATELY; I even remember we had talks EARLY in the relationship about getting married and having children — lots if possible. (A little background here–I come from a big family with a younger brother and 9 other cousins, so family gatherings are always a “BIG” thing. And I’ve helped looked after them since they were young, being the eldest in my generation, so I love children!)
Finally, after 6 years she gave me the nod. Yippee!
But then, she said she wanted 2 more years of honeymoon before planning for a child! Arrgh……..
Fortunately, Kristen was on daddy’s side for this one and not long after our honeymoon, I hear good news! Phew! And guess what, after Kristen, my television set breaks down once every two years (metaphorically speaking, get it?) and along came Jairus and Way. And this time round, even Evelyn has to say it was great we started (having kids) straight after marriage, because we would have missed out so much fun!
Well, that is not to say that we had it smooth sailing, there were lots of ‘living’ together issues that we had to grapple with on top of diaper changes and night feeds. I could never stand the fact for example that she squeezes her toothpaste from the middle and she uses tons of tissue for everything, etc,etc, etc…. (Evelyn wants me to add that there were lots of things that she couldn’t stand about me too, but that’ll have to be on your blog, Eve!) But that’s marriage life for you!
And your lifestyle changes too! I for one, had to give up my boy-toys like, boating (I had a 26 footer pleasure-craft that was sold off in the anticipation that Kristen’s arrival would mean no more time to play). I stopped my flying hobby too, wanting to safe up whatever I have for my family instead.
We had lesser meals out too, desiring to have more nutritious food and to inculcate better eating habits in our children.
And the worst lifestyle change for me has to be waking up early! I’m a self-confessed owl (night works best for creative people) and it’s MY alone time, you know! And quite frankly, this is an area that we are still working on , but it’s getting there (how not to when you sleep at 2am and have to be awaken at 3am should baby cry!)……..
The one hobby that I’ve kept, with Evelyn’s blessings, though was photography, because it allows me to capture those precious moments and document our children’s milestones and growth. Now, this may sound like a lot of sacrifices to make in exchange for fatherhood, but it’s true, what you hear all fathers proclaim: after a hard day’s work, a big hug and kiss from your child and all weariness fades away……. It’s all worth it!
And in this whole process, I’ve found myself to be a better man, one who never thought he would have the capacity to be patient with another unreasonable human being (aka my toddler) and one who can read the same book 100 times just because his little one likes it, and the list goes on…………