26 November 2010, by Edmund Tay
Her is a random list on “What is Parenting?”,based on lessons we have learnt since our daughter Nicole was born:
They are not ranked in order of appearance:
1. Each diaper can only hold that much pee and poo.
As much as you wish for one that is super absorbent, one that doesn’t leak, one that doesn’t irritate the bottom, IT DOESN’T EXIST!
2. Until the child is old enough to communicate his irritation with the full diaper, there are various ways to check!
a. Touch or rather press and squeeze (don’t ask me why) the front of diaper to check if it’s full.
b. Put your nose to the buttocks area to smell (only works if your child did a major smelly poo)
c. Lift the diaper in the following spots to see:
3. Children do not know and cannot understand the word WAIT
When they want your help to take something, it must be now. When they want a drink, it must be now. When they want to open something, it must be now. When they want to pee, it must be now. (this one, you better not try ur luck. can get messy!)
The Keyword is NOW! NOW! NOW!
4. As above, I learnt children are not exactly the most trusting people in the world.
They don’t believe you when you say don’t touch.
They don’t trust you when you say you’ll buy it later.
They don’t think you mean it when you say the cane is coming!
They definitely don’t care a hoot when you say it’s good for them!
5. However, #4 does not apply to stuff they put in their mouths.
They really think everything that they pick up off the floor tastes good. Their tongues have a magnetic draw to anything-TV screen, mobile phones, books, shoes, wall, floor, ceiling (if they can reach it!). Their favourite? Nose snot! They love it!
6. Back to #5, it doesn’t apply to food with vitamins and proteins.
Try dropping a cooked pea on the floor. It should entice them, ya? Green, round, small enough to pick up? Well, no kid I know would pick THAT up and pop into the mouth!
7. All parents are DICTATORS!
This is just one of our many dictatorial examples…
Don’t you think when little kids dress-up, they look really cute and adorable? Those miniature costumes look fantastic on them, and it would be so so so great to hear lovely comments like,
“oooh, she is soooooo cute!”
“Wah! they really look the part!”
“You are so creative! They look so good!”
Well, we were certainly creative! We achieved that through pure dictatorship,
forcing, coaxing the poor kids to
“PUT IT ON!!! BECAUSE YOU LOOK SO SO GOOD!”
Erm… you can see Pirate Princess #1 has two good eyes, Pirate Princess #2 doesn’t really know where to focus her remaining good eye, and Pirate Prince’s scruffy look is marred by half-open eye lids.
So much for enjoying the party! We learnt that this dress-up AT BEST, can only last that 5 MINUTES for you to take your kodak moment. Thereafter, everything goes back to 21st century local time, local garb.
The primary lesson learnt … … … parenting is all about them … … … if the kids are happy, we are happy!