20 August 2010, by Jaime Teo
Continuing from my previous post, I was patting myself on the back on how good a job I was doing with nursing Renee. We managed to go on a holiday, she is growing healthily (in fact, the paediatrician says that at 7kgs for a 4 month old, she is above average in size!) and I’m almost back to my pre pregnancy weight.
I’ve tried on occasion (before our holiday), to feed her expressed milk from a bottle but she didn’t want it. Since I Wanted to direct feed for all the reasons I mentioned before, I shrugged it off as no big deal.
After we returned from our trip, I put in more effort to feed her from the bottle…. and met with big cries of protest everytime. That was when my previous “It’s no biggie” attitude started giving way to worrying about the situation.
She still drinks every 2-3hrs day and night so I cannot leave her side for periods longer than that because no one else can feed her. That translates to not being able to take on any jobs whenever the office (I’m with Fly Entertainment) calls to ask if I can attend/host events of any sort. Needless to say, casting and audition calls also goes unanswered because I cannot commit to shooting periods of more than 2hours =p
On a more petty note, I also realised I can’t meet friends (missed a friend’s hens night), or go for a game of badminton(even when the body feels ready). Thankfully I have friends who are very understanding, so they come by and give me a semblance of a social life…
I started envying wondering how other mothers cope. Surely their babies have to learn to drink from a bottle when mommies return to work, right? How come my baby refuses to? What am I doing wrong? Or it could also be a case of “Other mommies can do it, why can’t I”. In any event, the question I asked myself was, “Why didn’t I see it coming?”
Deciding to breastfeed her is a decision I definitely do not regret because it is good for her (look at her cheeks!) and it gives me a big sense of satisfaction. But this oversight on my part to balance bottle and direct feeding is causing me to wonder if there are other ramifications of other choices I’ve made that I’m not aware of.
Other mommies have advised me to just give it time. Even if she doesn’t ever want the bottle, she will be starting on solids when she’s 6mths old and the situation will get better.
Besides, I have always considered it a blessing that I am able to stay at home with Renee for as long as I want. It is such a joy to see her learn a new thing everyday (and she does!), to look at her radiant smile, to hold her close to me anytime, all the time.
Will not working even if it’s for a whole year, make a big difference for me? Not really. So why stress over something that time can take care of?
See? It is all about choices. Make your choice, stick with it, stay positive and focus on the benefits of your choice.
There. Took awhile but Done.