24 June 2010, by Dannie Cho
First, I have to get this off my chest. I’m really tickled that the wife has got two new colleagues named April and June. And it cracks me up when she says things like, “April, me and June are handling this project.” It just sounds like the other months are just slacking off, right? :p (No offense to my Aunt August)
Anyway… back to June’s (the month, not the colleague) theme of fertility!
I mentioned last week that I had received the results for my semen analysis, and the doctor took one cursory glance at it and told me that everything was fine with my sperm. When I got home, I took a closer gander at my results.
*random thoughts mode ON*
Method of Production: Masturbation – As ordered, ma’am. But I wonder what are the other methods of production. By needle? By scraping vagina walls? Induce vomit if a blowjob was given? Hmm…
Liquefaction: Complete – Oh. My. God. Are there guys who pass out solid or gaseous semen? Gaseous semen? It’s like farting through a penis! Weird.
Volume (ml): 2.10 vs WHO standards of 2.0 – 6.0 – Oh man! It’s on the low side! Barely passed! Sigh… story of my life…
Debris: + – There’s debris? What happened? Did my Imperial Star Destroyer sperm destroy Rebel scum?
*random thoughts mode OFF*
I did a quick consult with a obstetrician and gynaecologist who has volunteered to provide fertility advice to the bloggers of Maybebaby – Dr Suresh Nair, from Mount Elizabeth Fertility Centre and posed the following questions to him. The answers he provided are paraphrased, since we spoke over the phone.
Q: Why are we comparing my results against WHO 1999 standards? It’s been 21 years! Aren’t there any new standards?
A: It’s good that your results are compared against 1999 standards. This means that there is greater reliability because you actually have results from the past 21 years that conform to these standards.
Q: So. The volume I produced seems to be a little on the low side…
A: I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It’s within normal range. It’s okay.
Q: So what’s the story on the debris?
A: Debris just refers to a slight contamination in the sample. Maybe there was dust in the bottle or something. Your discharge was not done in a sterile environment, so that’s again, normal.
Q: Okay, there’s this subject that my little children seem to have failed. Normal Forms are at 7% while WHO standards are more than or equal to 14%. How can that be? I was from a SAP school! Should I panic?
A: There’s not much to panic about. 7% seems okay. Besides, this is a really subjective score. Based on Kruger’s criteria, the analyst needs to only consider perfectly shaped sperm. But that doesn’t mean that only perfectly shaped sperm can penetrate the egg.
And that’s what the doctor said. Yay!
Lastly, I also did some quick research on Teratozoospermia. It’s such an interesting word, but unfortunately, I don’t see myself being able to use that while playing Words With Friends. Unless someone forms the words RAT and SPERM with 4 blanks in the middle, then I swoop in with a Z and a 7-letter bingo… but I digress.
Teratozoospermia basically means that that there is abnormal looking sperm. So assuming a normal count of 50 million sperm in 1 ml of semen, I would have discharged 105 million sperm. Of which 7% or 7.35 million sperm are perfectly shaped. Out of the 7.35 million sperm, I only need ONE.
That’s really not too bad at all, isn’t it? *fingers crossed*