17 June 2010, by Dannie Cho
You know that feeling that parents get when they go to their child’s school to collect exam results? They run the gamut, from “I hope he/she did well enough to get into a good school!” to “I hope he/she at least did better than that irritating Mrs Wong’s daughter!” to “I hope he/she passed, at least.” to “Please don’t be in the last in class.” and finally, “Sigh. Whatever the results are, I will still love him/her.”
I got a mild taste of parental worries when Yi Lin and I went to collect the results for my semen analysis.
To be sure, I was elated when the doctor just took a glance at my results and said that my sperm was alright. Yes!!! I mentally pumped my fist in the air.
Guys, a word of friendly advice here – you WILL feel like celebrating because you have been proven A MAN, but please, please never do anything too over the top to celebrate. Especially if your wife is with you at that time. Be sensitive about it. The two of you are trying to conceive, and have been unsuccessful. Celebrating that the lack of success is not your fault will make her feel bad. So, poker faces, champs. Celebrate internally.
When we got home, I began to study the semen analysis in greater detail, applying my newfound knowledge on fertility matters for guys.
Sperm are generally graded on 3 criteria – motility, quantity and quality.
Motility refers to the ability of the sperm to move. When you’re that tiny, the journey must seem like a long way. Sperm with high motility are able to charge right into the target area, rather than losing momentum and resting on a park bench somewhere in the cervix.
Quantity. You know the saying ‘the more the merrier’? Well, if you have more sperm, they will be merrier. And if they are merrier, that long journey will seem shorter because time passes faster when you are having fun. Oh, and also, a larger quantity means that there’s a higher chance of one sperm out of a million reaching the egg.
Quality refers to the shape of the sperm. The sperm should look like a tadpole with a nice long tail that will help it swim better. A short tail means less thrust – that I understand. But I have no idea why the head should be oval-shaped though. I would have thought it would be easier to penetrate the egg sac if it were triangle shaped like a Star Destroyer. Or better still, if it had a little arm to use a tiny lightsaber to cut an entrance for itself. But I suppose the wife might be a little uncomfortable with that thought.
As I studied my test results, I began to realise that not everything was fine and dandy as reported by the doctor. There is something wrong, and from my initial research, it’s not something that you can fix by prescribing medicine.
I shall share more in my next entry, so stay tuned!