An integral and important aspect of a happy marriage is intimacy between husband and wife. And here’s how to get lovey-dovey again.
The physical experience of pregnancy and birth, and 24/7 demands of a newborn can make a new mom feel not so in the mood for intimacy and sex.
In addition, she may not feel ‘sexy’ or ready for action.
“Sexual intimacy is an essential emotional connection for a married couple to help them feel they are a team,” says Michelle Heinesen, resident sexpert from Oohtique.
Also, men and women are very different. “While he connects with her through sex, she connects through talking.
So when she feels she’s not understood, she naturally feels distanced and not interested in his advances.
And when his sexual needs are not met, he becomes distanced from her,” she explains.
Therefore is it important for the married couple, with or without children, to understand each other’s needs and expressions where intimacy is concerned.
Women need to feel understood and appreciated before she can be fully open to sexual intimacy.
So it is a good idea for husbands to make romantic gestures and to be more attentive to details, such as complimenting her for making dinner, buying her some flowers occasionally or even waking up at night to make her a hot drink while she nurses the baby.
“These are little gestures that don’t take too much effort but they assure their wives of their love,” says Michelle.
Also compliment and assure her that she is in great shape as the body image of new mothers plunges after pregnancy and childbirth.
“I felt like I was wearing a rubber suit for the first few weeks after baby came, and fortunately Sebastien kept assuring me that the rubber suit is shrinking each time we made love!” recalls Cheryl.
To help her feel like her old sexy self, Sebastien bought some pretty lingerie and gave her a loving massage every evening before bedtime.
“That worked for me and we were back in ‘business’ as soon as my stitches healed well enough,” she adds.
Husbands can help your wives switch from ‘mother’ mode to ‘lover’ mode by playing the part of a good boyfriend.
“Call and sms her during the day to ask how her day is, surprise her by picking her up from work, or meeting her for lunch if you can – make her feel she’s the centre of your life.
“These gestures help her feel wanted and loved,” reminds Michelle.
Try Something New?
For Lynn and Jerry, making love in the same room as baby was precarious as Angelica was a light sleeper.
“We tried new locations, such as the bathroom, the living room and even the kitchen!” she says.
Moving on to new spots and the idea of ‘stealing’ time away together adds a thrill to the experience.
“Jerry surprised me by booking a room at a hotel on our wedding anniversary and made arrangements for my mother to take care of Angelica.
“We had a most wonderful and sexy anniversary,” she adds.
With baby constantly needing her attention, especially if she is breastfeeding, mommy may feel ‘touched-out’.
So go slow and touch her gently, slowly arousing her with your touch.
Some ‘mechanics’ of breastfeeding may make lovemaking a bit tricky, such as vaginal dryness (due to hormones) and milk spraying during orgasm.
The solution is to use a water-soluble lubricant or even some saliva to ease the discomfort, while nursing your baby before getting into action, which can prevent milk leaking.
“And don’t wear your nursing bra if it’s not so sexy, wear an outrageous sexy number,” says Michelle.