In this 3-part series of Real Moms Share, Maybe Baby asks 3 moms to share about the importance of their husband’s support and involvement in their parenthood journey.
Mrs Tan (not her real name) is a stay-at-home mom with a three-year-old son and a one-year-old daughter. Her husband is an extremely supportive partner and a very hands-on father.
Before the Bump:
1. How did you and your husband come to an agreement on when to start trying for a baby? Did you have extensive discussions about the timing? Or was it more of a spontaneous “let’s see how it goes” kind of thing?
Both my husband and I agreed to try for a baby immediately after the wedding. We were both about to turn 30, and we felt it was time. (Perhaps it was also the biological clock ticking!)
Moreover, both of us love kids and knew we wanted to start a family. In fact, we had discussed this openly during courtship, and it was one of the main reasons for getting married!
We were so happy when, I became pregnant with our son six months after our wedding!
2. How did your husband’s attitude towards starting a family affect you? Was he hesitant to start a family due to career goals, or fear of change/responsibility? Or was he enthusiastic and raring to go, while you were more uncertain about it?
I’m glad that both my husband and I were aligned in our thinking: career is secondary; family is our priority. As such, there was not much conflict in this regard.
The Nine Months
3. What did your husband do during your pregnancy to support you (either emotionally or practically)?
During the first pregnancy, my husband did ALL the housework, AND made nutritious soup for me almost everyday! But he didn’t do the same when I was pregnant the second time, haha! Then again, perhaps he was just too tired, as he had to take care of our boy. My son was quite a handful at that time, and my husband had to get him to eat properly, and put him to bed, etc.
As I experienced rather bad morning sickness during my 1st trimester while carrying our 2nd child, my husband had to take on most of the childcare responsibilities.
On top of all that, he also gave me massages to ease my lower back pain!
I also appreciated my husband for taking the effort to accompany me to every pre-natal check-up during both pregnancies.
4. What did you wish he could have done more of?
At the risk of sounding mushy, I would say that he’s almost a perfect father! Well, at least that’s how I feel. We did a lot of shopping together for baby things, and he joined me for pre-natal classes (both at the hospital and in church).
He takes great interest in babymatters and would even bother to research and read up onbabycare and pre-natal care on the Internet. As such, I really have no complaints and I think there’s nothing he could have done more of!
First Months of Parenthood
5. How hands-on was your husband during the first few months of baby’s arrival? Did he offer to change diapers/bathe baby/help with night feeds?
My husband was very confident and hands-on, and he was even more knowledgeable than our confinement nanny! He made an effort to go to the herbal shops to find out how to make confinement herbal baths for me, and taught the confinement nanny how to too!
6. Did you feel his support was sufficient during those crucial first few months? Or did you have lots of additional help/family support such that your husband’s role was not as critical?
I definitely felt his support was more than sufficient. We did not have much help after the confinement nanny left, but he made me feel that while pregnancy and childbirth were my main responsibilities, he would help handle the rest! He takes care of me, and the kids, really well.
Partners in Parenthood
7. Does your husband enjoy his role as a father? How does his attitude towards his responsibilities affect you as a mother?
A big, resounding YES! He relishes his role as a father, and I know that family is his top priority.
I also think he does a lot more than the average father, and that makes me feel very relaxed as a mom because he is so hands-on!
8. Does your husband still help out with childcare/proactively take time to bond with your child(ren)? Does this encourage you to consider having more children?
Yes, everyday after dinner, he would bathe both our children.. He feels that this is his opportunity to bond with them after being away in the office for the entire day.
It was precisely because I saw how hands-on he was with our first child, that made me very confident and happy to have our 2nd child soon after.
9. Can you share an example of something your husband did that really stood out and made you appreciate him as your partner in this journey of parenthood?
I cannot think of a specific example that stands out, but I greatly appreciate the day-to-day effort he puts in. He understands that after being at home all day, I need some time to unwind as well. So he takes on the lion’s share of chores in the evening after dinner (washing the dishes, bathing the kids and getting them ready for bed) so that I can relax and have some “me-time”, and even watch a bit of TV!
I Love Children would like to thank Mrs Tan for sharing about her parenthood journey, and wish her and her family all the best!
Look out for the other 2 articles in this 3-part series on “Real Moms Share About Their Parenthood Journey”:
Part 1 – PARTNERS IN PARENTHOOD: Suzy
Part 2 – PARTNERS IN PARENTHOOD: Vanessa
Part 3 – PARTNERS IN PARENTHOOD: Mrs Tan
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